wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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