I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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