heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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