So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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