If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize