I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
