Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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