Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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