Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
