then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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