KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
