If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
