Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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