what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
