You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
