everyone is single if you try hard enough
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
