We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
