Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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