so that wasnt chicken after all
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
