4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
do nipples grow back?
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