I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
