it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I touched a dick in church today
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
