Duck Duck Cougar?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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