if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
