DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
