I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
