I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Four minutes until I can fart!
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
