Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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