Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
