Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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