last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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