no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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