I should be sponsored by Trojan
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
