Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
