i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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