boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
