Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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