3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
