My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
