No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
