Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
