dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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