the day after is always just damage control
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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