I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
