I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
