I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
