I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
