My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
