I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
