Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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