guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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