omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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