I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize