dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
