It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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