so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
