Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
