I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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