I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
