And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
