yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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