I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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