I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
