hotel room ftw
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
