trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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