All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
