you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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