Pants 0. Shit 1.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
