I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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