Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm really into asian looking animals
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize