using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
