Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
