I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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