He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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