and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
