i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
