May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The power of my boobs compel you
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
