Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
