Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
