Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
