I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
