last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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