I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
