Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
