try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I love you. Go after that dick
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
