marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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