I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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