I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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