Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
