First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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