I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
