I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
