so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
