Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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