Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize