I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
