nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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