there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
