I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
