I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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