my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
