i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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